The cold metal against my bony wrist sent a shiver down my spine. Officer Greene grabbed my arm, his touch was firm with authority as he led me to the back of his police car. I sat down and sighed, the new leather squeaked with every move I made. He slammed the door shut, I studied his face behind his dark glasses. His brow was heavy with disappointment. He had just turned another teenager into a statistic, that’s all I would ever be.
I turned to the window and stared outside. The whispers in my head growing louder. It wasn’t long before something that looked like a portal appeared. It was about twenty pulsing circles arranged into a bigger circle. It mystified me and I watched as it grew bigger then smaller. I tried to blink it away but despite my effort it stayed where it was. I had a feeling that I was the only one that could see it.
The officer walked to the front of the car and gave my mom an apologetic nod. Makeup and tears were streaked down her face. I caused her this pain. She suffered under my abuse. I took advantage of her unconditional love. I pushed the guilty feeling to the dark closet in the back of my mind, along with all the other things I said I would deal with later.
Greene got in the car, shut the door and turned to me. He pulled the shades further down the bridge of his nose, revealing his aged eyes. “You look right there, Jane,” he said motioning at my crying mother. “You made her feel this way, you hurt her.”
“I know,” I replied coldly. This was not what I wanted to deal with right now. Releasing the guilt of my sadistic behavior was not my top priority.
He stared into my eyes, and I did my best to look scared, just to satisfy him. I just wanted this to end, for the sun to set then rise the next morning bringing forth another chance. That didn’t happen.
Baby girl, be strong. I am with you. The goosebumps rose on every inch of my body, the loving voice was soothing and comforting. It was nice to know I wasn’t going into this alone. Eoto would stay with me.
We pulled out of the parking lot, and I studied my reflection in the glass window. What I saw wasn’t me, it was something dark. The was something cold and synyster behind my deep brown eyes. This scared me, so I looked away.
Under stress, it seems that the voices take advantage of me. Twisting around what was left of my sanity. We drove past a large cemetery, and I looked at the acres of tombstones. Images flashed in my head of thousands of lonely people standing in the shade of a patch of trees, just waiting for someone to visit them. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, it was pure emptiness. I could feel their pain.
We turned into the detention center. Officer Greene pulled into a small garage and metal bars closed behind us. He got out of the car and walked to my door. His heavy footsteps echoed in the concrete room.
He helped me out of the police car and led me into an even smaller room with three plastic chair. He removed my uncomfortable handcuffs, and I sat as I was instructed to take off my hot pink shoelaces. I handed them to the officer. After the officer got my basic information I was told it was time to get searched.
I was led through a metal door taking small steps to avoid having my converses flop right off my feet. That must have been the most irritating part of the whole situation, not being able to keep my shoes in place. We passed by a few closets filled with orange and navy blue jumpsuits and handcuffs. I was handed over to a butch looking female officer. I stretched my arms over my head as the lady ran her rough hands all over my body. I felt a little violated by the way she touched me.
“Girl, now there ain’t no sense in going through all this trouble. Now you’re a pretty little thing and you don’t look like the type to do a crime. Whatever you did, it prolly ain’t worth going through all this.” She said when she was done searching me. I just nodded my head.
Another man walked me into what looked like a waiting room filled with the same plastic chairs as the first. As I walked to the seat I chose, I couldn’t help but think about how damn annoying these converse were. I mean really, do they expect us to strangle ourselves with our shoelaces with all these people keeping a constant eye on us.
About a half an hour later a chubby boy who’s name I can’t remember was led into the waiting room. He started making conversation with me immediately, but all I wanted was my shoelaces and to be left alone. He rambled on about how he knew about what had happened with Bryce, Daniel, and me. Then he went on to tell me how before he got to the detention center he popped some kinda pill. I pretended to be intrigued by his stories about the fights he got in, but all I could think about was my shoelaces and if I would ever get them back. You never really consider how important they are until they are gone. Anyways, the pill he took must have started taking effect because he kinda spaced out and kept asking what my name was.
After what seemed like hours, two more boys came into the room. “That boy, right there seems to be actin’ a bit suspicious,” one of the women accused, “We’re thinking he might have some contraband on him.” Finally some excitement to lighten the mood. Well I will admit, this kid did have some skills. While his friend was being searched and the eyes were off him, he took the pill from his front pocket, backed up against the wall, and dropped it behind him. The grey package blended in perfectly with the gray trim.
“Okay you’re next,” The same lady that searched me said. He was sent to be patted down, while his friend took a seat. “We better strip search him,” she said “I got this feeling he’s up to something.”
Two men came up behind the boy and led him to a little bathroom. “You have one last chance to give up the contraband,” the tall one said. Gosh, what was with the word contraband anyways? It almost seemed as if they got a kick out of saying it. Anyways the boy said, “I don’t have anything, go ahead search me.”
The two officers instructed him to take off his clothes. “Now drop your drawers and squat down,” one of them commanded.
“Ew no way!” He screamed.
This went back and forth for a few minutes until he finally complied. By this time everyone, juvenile delinquents and officers, were laughing pretty hard. The had tears coming from his eyes when he came out of the bathroom. He took a seat by his buddy.
They whispered in each other’s ears carrying on their own little conversation as the chubby boy stared at the pill on the floor. A skinny lady opened up one of the doors and called my name. I followed her, cursing under my breath about how much I hated not having shoelaces.
We went into her office and she started to interview me. The questions were a bit personal for some lady I just met to be asking me. I took my time answering, being careful not to say anything that may get me baker acted, sent to the local crazy house named New Horizons.
“Were you ever abuse or are you currently being abused,” she inquired emotionless.
“What do you mean abused'” I asked to buy myself some time. I didn’t know how to answer this. I was raped as a little girl, but that was years ago. I pondered whether or not to tell her.
“Sexually or physically hurt by someone in or out of the family,” she said looking at me. Trying to predict my next move.
“Including things that happened years ago?” I asked trying to stall a bit longer.
“Yes,” she replied. I could tell that she knew what I was doing.
I gave up, ” When I was little, my neighbor raped me,” I immediately regretted saying it.
Fake pity washed over her bony face. “Do you know the person who did it?” I knew, but that didn’t mean I was going to tell her. I dealt with this issue on my own, I definitely don’t need help from the legal system.
“No,” she raised her eyebrows at me. “Well maybe, but I’m not telling you. I overcame it, I don’t want him prosecuted, and I want you to move on to the next question because I’m not saying another word about this one.” I stuck my foot in my mouth, this is definitely not the time to get an attitude.
There was a long pause, and then her stern expression softened. We moved on.
“Have you ever had thoughts about harming yourself?” She asked. I knew that this was a trap, and I let her know that I was on to her.
“I’ve been through this before, when you say ‘harm yourself’ do you mean cutting or suicide. I’m not getting baker acted over a misunderstanding,” I wasn’t stupid. This is one of those questions that will get you put away in New Horizons.
“Suicide,” she said as she studied me. This lady could tell I wasn’t stupid, but I left her with a stone cold stare. She could try to figure me out, but she never would.
“No,” I lied. I wasn’t exactly what somebody would consider mentally stable. It was a life threatening situation if I forgot my lighter at the bus stop. Just about anything could send me right over the edge. I was secretly crazy.
She typed in my answer, probably suspecting that I was lying. “Have you hurt yourself in the past twenty four hours?” Another question I had no intent on answering honestly.
“No,” I said with a straight face. She looked down at my wrist. “Those are a few days old.” She didn’t argue.
“Do you hear or see things that aren’t there?” How could she ask these questions with no emotions? Just asking the most personal questions looking for an honest reply.
Eoto’s voice came up in the back of my mind, Baby Girl don’t say anything. He is definitely not the person to disobey. That could have bad consequences.
I put on my best poker face. “No,” I said without hesitations. She bought it.
We ran through a few more questions, none of which had any importance. I was let out of the little office and sent to stand with my mother and father. We waited for some paperwork and then let out of the office. As I got into the truck and we drove away, I focused on the vision of all the lonely souls, just standing there waiting for someone to come.