I feel overwhelmed. I’ve made myself into an object. I have nothing to live for. I don’t have the courage to die. I feel lonely, unloved, and guilty. I feel guilty because my own actions are to blame for being lonely and unloved. I’m constantly rejected until it’s convieneint – so be the existence of an object. I feel as though I’ve worked harder and others have it easier. They have more than I do,…
I feel like I’m chasing after pain. I want to feel it. I want to be punished. I like to see a man that’s in pain. I identify with that. There’s a soul-crushing loneliness that a man feels when he’s been tortured. I identify with that. I feel that loneliness too. I can tell them what they need to hear, because I know what I need to hear. We aren’t so different, and I think…
I’m sitting alone and sober in my hotel room, after 5 days of drinking until I stumbled walking. I’d have done it again tonight if I wasn’t made to hand over my alcohol and my money. What am I running from? This pain in the center of my mass that feels all-consuming — well I’ve felt that before, and I stayed sober. Honestly, I feel that pain any time I’m left alone long enough with…