Dear M, Do you remember when we first met? I was practicing baseball with my mom in the front yard – I was on little league then – and you were watching… getting close, but wouldn’t make the first move. My mother encouraged me to talk to you, to make a friend. And we became friends. Best friends. And I loved you. We explored the world together, even if the world was limited to M——…
When I began to reflect on what I would write tonight, I found it hard to determine who my audience for this letter would be. Who do I need to tell my feelings to in order to feel better. My best friend? Perhaps only anethestically would that work; but the comfort would be temporary. D? He doesn’t have the capacity to understand. M? To bow to him as absent determinant of who I was, who…
Dear M, You’ve been on my mind a lot lately, but I haven’t really felt much pain. The thought of you would rip me to shreds, but now I don’t feel anything. Have I become stronger? Or did I give you every peice of humanity I had? I feel numb – and I test this numbness with thoughts of you. Can I feel anything? Not like I used to; I just feel calm. I hope…