I feel overwhelmed. I’ve made myself into an object. I have nothing to live for. I don’t have the courage to die.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I feel lonely, unloved, and guilty. I feel guilty because my own actions are to blame for being lonely and unloved. I’m constantly rejected until it’s convieneint – so be the existence of an object.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I feel as though I’ve worked harder and others have it easier. They have more than I do, and I’m resentful. I want to be humble, so I remind myself it’s not a virtue to be hurt by others. It’s not a virtue to hurt myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wish I had their lives. I wish I could be good enough to be liked, or even to be loved. I’m tolerated, and I’m not sure how to be better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wish I was pretty. I wish I was wanted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wish I didn’t infect others with my pain as a consequence of them getting close to me. I wish I had friends that didn’t take from me. I push those people away though because I feel guilty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I want to know what it feels like not to hurt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I want someone to tell me that it will be okay even if it’s not okay. I want them to tell me that they’ll stay even if I never get better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I want to know what better means. I’ve lost sight of the goal, and I don’t want to live anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have so many unanswered questions. I still don’t know what I did to deserve this. I don’t know how to prevent it from happening again. I’m scared that this will continue forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hope that one day I have to courage to make this end – or the access to an easy way out. I don’t want it to hurt. I want to feel peace.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I feel overwhelmed. I’ve made myself into an object. I have nothing to live for. I don’t have the courage to die. I feel lonely, unloved, and guilty. I feel guilty because my own actions are to blame for being lonely and unloved. I’m constantly rejected until it’s convieneint – so be the existence of an object. I feel as though I’ve worked harder and others have it easier. They have more than I do,… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/janedoe.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/janedoe.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/janedoe.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/janedoe.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/janedoe.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=51"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/janedoe.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":84,"href":"https:\/\/janedoe.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/51\/revisions\/84"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/janedoe.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=51"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/janedoe.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=51"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/janedoe.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=51"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}